We Need More Judgemental People!

My daughter has a friend that does not have a father and her mother is mostly absent. When she is with our family, which is often, and I have to tell Madison “no,” her friend stares at me with a longing stare. SHE ACTUALLY LONGS FOR SOMEONE TO TELL HER NO!

My name is Caroline and I am far from the perfect parent, however, I am very sensitive to my daughter’s feelings. When we are around others, I err on the side of “letting things slide.”  She eats more sugar, stays up later, and gets her way more often when in the company of others. It is not that I want to be a different parent in front of others, I want consistency, it is this:

There is a time for MY actions to be questioned, but it is not in front of other people. To me, that hurts doubly to be second guessed in front of others. To me, that is a private matter. With my daughter, it is a private matter. 

However, there is a certain line, where I do not want to, but it is my responsibility as a mom to say “no.”  There is a line that I love my daughter too much to let her cross. Sometimes, I BELIEVE THE MOST LOVING THING SHE CAN HEAR IS NO.  No, I love you too much to let you be rude to your friend. No, I love you too much to let you have that. No, I love you too much to let you talk to me like that. 

This is such a touchy subject TO ME.  There are too many hypocritical people that believe it is their right to walk around telling everyone what they are doing wrong. Fingers down the chalkboard, I cringe just being around these people!  SO DID JESUS.  So many of us have that picture of that someone that springs into our head and we turn and sprint in the other direction as quickly as we can!  Hear me out, that is not what I am preaching!  

However, I do NOT want to want to swing the pendulum in the other direction!  I do not want to be afraid to stand up for what is right!  Call me judgmental, call me a hater…have at it.  I’m just getting started.  But I do not really care if I hurt feelings. I am more concerned with doing what is right. 

Would a wife be loving if she did not call her husband out on being an alcoholic? (mine is not. Just an example here)

Would a friend be right to keep quiet when her friend is chosing abusive behavior?

Would a parent be loving their child to never train them in what is good and right and healthy?  Eat what you want, say what you want, do what you want???!!  NO. 

I believe that true Christians, some true Christians, have become so scared of being the judgemental “mother” that we are too afraid to call “our children” out on their bad behavior. Well, the line has been crossed. 

I AM NOT THE JUDGE OF THE HEART!  But christians are called to righteous judgement. We are called to stand up for the helpless. We are called to fight for what is right. 

Oh!  Not judging the heart, always loving, while fighting for what is right and calling sin what it is: sin. It is a hard HARD HARD line!  In fact, it is impossible!  But the things that are impossible with men are possible with God. 

And that is why I believe the only answer for restoration in our personal lives and in our world is JESUS

He loves at all times. He knows the cells that make up our bodies. He knows our soul’s deepest desires. He can make the planets with his fingertips. And he loves us intimately!  

My God, I can trust you, only you with my everything!  Only you will never fail me!  And YOU are the answer to the hurt and void in the human heart. 

(Still pondering the title?  Yeah, me too. It was meant to be more of a grabber.)


19 thoughts on “We Need More Judgemental People!

  1. Very true. I share your opinion. We must not be like the Pharisees but we must not be too goody goody to tell people certain truths. God himself usually shows us bitter truths about ourselves because He wants us to grow and be better people.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. very good use of a title grabber! 🙂 actually that scripture that says we should not judge is the most misquoted scripture of the bible – especially by non-believers – because the bible actually does tell us to judge in the context of your post! Leviticus 19:15 Your post is right on!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I love this. The world says that love means tolerance both in decisions and actions but God’s view of love is not tolerance. As my pastor says, “we have been called to something greater than tolerance, love.” Recently Jesus has been speaking to me a lot about what that love is and in doing some research I found that often our view of Agape love is only a shadow of what it means. It does mean a benevolent love that does not demand anything in return but this love goes beyond what most people deem as love and gives the recipient what they need not necessarily what they desire. The reason behind this is that the love giver finds the recepient infinitely precious. For us, the love of a parent is the closest that many in humanity will come to experiencing and understanding this type of love. God calls us to first experience His love, which finds us infinitely precious and thus gives us what we need, at the core of who we are, and not necessarily what we want. And then once we have experienced and grasped this love, we are called to give this love out. We are called to find His lines in the sand, to open our arms wide to others but to give them what they need, a stern voice, a hug, a night without food, a bed to sleep on, etc. Whatever it looks like, we must give them what they need not what they want. We must rise above tolerance to truly loving.

    Thanks for this post. Seems to be the thing that Jesus has been challenging me the most with lately, per His usual fashion. 🙂

    Keep loving your daughter, and in extension her friend, in the way that says no. When she is a bit older, as I am, she will be so very thankful that you loved her that deeply!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are so awesome, I know Jesus uses you to speak your words. I am in a very hard situation right now…my son was arrested this past Tues/Weds morning and I am saying no to bailing him out. Im an easy parent and my heart is breaking but its time for tough love…I cant say how long I will say no, Im trusting God to lead me and believe I will KNOW when its time to say yes…being a parent isnt easy…we pray and do the best we can.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Hi Caroline,

    Interesting post. I agree with you that the most loving thing we can do in some situations is say “no”. I also agree that kids test the adults in their lives to see how firm our boundaries are, and that without those boundaries it is difficult for them to grow up to be well-functioning and productive adults. You are spot on with all that.

    My quibble is with the word “judgement”. I think when you talk about “judgmental” people, that might better languaged as “people with strong boundaries”, or “people with discernment”, or something in that vein.

    I am only quibbling since I assume– as one writer to another– that the specificity of our language choices matters. I think many people are turned off by the word “judgment” and would then miss out on the wisdom in your post.

    For me it breaks down like this:

    Boundaries: knowing right from wrong; knowing what you will and will not allow, and standing strong in that conviction. Boundaries are based in values and morality.

    Discernment: the process where we choose, filter, evaluate, and otherwise mull over the available options.

    Judgement: discernment + a negative moral evaluation, might include shaming or contemptuous attitudes.

    Your mileage may vary with all of this, I figured I’d just put in my two cents!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for commenting 😊 I do agree with you. The title was a grabber and not used in the post until my comment at the end stating that fact. I do believe there are different definitions of judgement, not all bad. But yes! In a general meaning of the word, judgmental people drive me crazy! …but with my own realization of my feelings, I do know it has its place in the right circumstances. …I know this is a lot of play on words and needs more words to fully explain. Hope that comes across how I mean it to 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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