Is There Another Option?

I like the safe route.  Not really a risk taker.  I enjoy the rush of, well anything, but I first have to be pushed over the edge.  OK.  I admit it, scaredy pants.  Yep, that’s me.

Cancer?  Yeah, I’ll take option two!

Cancer is not what I chose.  It is unpredictable, it is not safe, high maintenance, scary, pretty much everything that I would not choose for my life.

A few years ago, I started feeling sick.  Rapid heart beat.  That happened to me before.  Then it got worse and worse.  And the doctor discovered two tennis ball size tumors in my Adrenal Glands.  I didn’t really want to do that again.  So, when I started feeling similar symptoms, I tried not to…I tried not to….yeah, I freaked out.

I went to the doctor and sat on the medical table, kicked my legs back and forth, and waited for her to come and tell me:  Cancer.

But, she walked through the door, and we just needed to adjust my medication.  And then she said something, something she had no clue what she was saying, she said, “Don’t get so scared.  Going to the doctor is not that big of a deal.”

Really?  Well, it is for me.  Ya know, most people get scared of the possibility of the news that has been a reality for me.  Scared?  I’m human.  Yeah, I get a little nervous when my heart starts beating rapidly, I get a little nervous to sit on that damn doctor’s chair/table (what in the hell is that thing?) because once upon a time, several times, it wasn’t good news and then go back home for me.

So, Cancer?  Why don’t I like it?  Stupid question, huh?  Cancer is scary.  It hurts.  That pretty much sums it up.  And when I write it down like that, I realize, Hmmmm, that pretty much sums up life.

If there is something that I have learned in life, it is this:  Everybody has something!  Something, something that is scary.  Something that hurts.

We are humans and this is life.  Life is scary and life hurts.

So, what is option 2?  Option 2 is perfection.  It is tears wiped away and never crying again.  Option 2 is forever.  It is security, it is getting every thing that I want.  Option 2 is living with the God of the Universe for all of eternity!  Option 2 is Heaven.

So, I’m signed up.  That day will come.  Option 2 is what is happening next.  So, that makes cancer not so scary.

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35 thoughts on “Is There Another Option?

  1. My grandfather used to say that he was not scared of death but that the dying bit freaked him out big time! Think that sums it up for me:) But I also know that I will not be alone when I have to walk that valley…
    Much love, and very glad that the news was a mere adjustment of medications:)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Coping with life limiting and chronic illness isn’t about handling fear or being scared, you’re not a “scaredy pants” as you describe yourself because once the diagnosis is there scared people let others take control.

    We’re all dying but some of us sooner than others, some of us understand pain but the key to surviving and creating a productive life is sharing, when you hide your feelings you build them up to debilitating proportions.

    So option 2 is perfection but option 1 is still be determined to get through to tomorrow with a smile and have something encouraging to share. That is why I read your posts.

    When my end comes others will know I was scared, others will be certain I didn’t want to leave that way but everyone will know I cherish every moment I have with family and friends, every chance I have to make a difference.

    Option 2 is for when we wake up again John 5: 28, 29 –

    Liked by 1 person

  3. i absolutely hate visiting the doctor, which is probably rooted in my childhood experiences with GPs. the clinical situation is uncomfy and intimidating. i can’t imagine the struggle of living with cancer, thanks for sharing your experiences with the world, i hope writing provides a therapeutic release for you πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t know what I can say that would bring you any sort of comfort, I have learned first hand and painfully that yes Option 2 will come, though we pray plead and bargain with God not to have it happen, inevitably it does come, but if there is anything I have learned from all this and from my wife is, make the time you do have count, live in the moment, live with love and happiness and not worry about tomorrow , live, really live don’t just exist and help everyone around you build good memories.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Yes, and thank the Lord that cancer and all the other horrible stuff is NOT on this side of eternity for the Christian. What fun we will have up there with our Savior! Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Can’t wait until the tears are wiped away, though He wipes them away here and now. Glad your doc only needed to adjust your medication. I hear you on how frightening those symptoms would be. You are meeting your life with such grace and encouragement for the rest of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. So many things I could comment on in this post Caroline … I haven’t read the other comments but I bet some people covered my other thoughts. One of the things I will comment on is the doctor. As a nurse, I see all too well how human the medical profession is. We have thrilling moments where we know we have made someone’s day better, given them hope, something to make them smile and say thank you. But there are those thoughtless moments; because it is your job, because you’re feeling cranky, because you do not understand, cannot understand, the fear, rising up and choking in your patient’s throat because they are holding their breath, wishing to be in any place or moment other than on that cold, vinyl, sterile, lifeless table. I am sure I have been “that” unfortunately ignorant and compassionless nurse at times, possibly more times than I would ever want to know. My prayer is that God’s love would always overflow in my heart so that even without words my hands would be His hands and His presence would fill my exam room.
    So, to sum it up, going to the doctor IS a big deal and it IS scary, at times. I apologize for when we make stupid, careless remarks because I have been on the other side of this scenario too and cancer is scary. Thank God that He is bigger than anything! Bring on option 2!! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • so kind and compassionate for you to have that perspective! i bet you are one amazing nurse! yes, so good to always look at the other side! …and the doctor mentioned is one that i do not see often, one that had always been kind in other situations, and i think that she was even trying to be kind at this particular moment but you and i both know very well what can happen at a doctor’s visit.
      i have that same prayer, i’m not a nurse, but i want Christ to work through me because i fall so short most of the time!
      hugs friend!

      Liked by 1 person

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