Do You Ever Feel Like You Don’t Belong?

The toothbrush glides across my teeth in a back and forth motion as I stare into the mirror. I slow and then pause a minute just staring. I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like the routine. I just did it yesterday and the day before and the week before and the year before and it will just have to be done again tomorrow. It’s a small simple thing, it is just the monotony.

I just don’t feel like it. Again. I don’t want to brush my hair and pick out clothes and one more and one more and one more. I have a good day planned or a dreaded day planned, it is just the monotony. Deep sigh. 

Ever so kind, my sweet new friends. But they talk and talk and I smile and I have that feeling again. That feeling again. I tried but here it is again. Again. They seem pretty nice and they seem pretty great or they seem kinda rude and kinda full of themselves, but it is just that same thing again. That dreaded feeling again. 

My heart wants something else. To know people for years and years and to have been at this place forever, but it’s already been three years and I have that feeling and maybe I should start somewhere else?  But starting over?  It’s just the monotony. But here?  Maybe here is not me. There is that feeling of here is not me. 

It’s much more comfortable at home. I never cry or hurt or fear. In this dry and desert land, my soul is homesick. Because I do not belong here, I am just a visitor. My body was not made for this hurt. My mind was not created for this purpose. Oh Lord, I do not belong. This world was never meant to be my home. That feeling, I am not home. I do not belong here. 

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24 thoughts on “Do You Ever Feel Like You Don’t Belong?

  1. Thank you for this. I sure am feeling this way too. For me it’s not so much the monotony as the loneliness of chronic rejection. I wonder if something not so good is in the air and troubling us. But you’re right, we don’t belong here. Our home is elsewhere. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

    Here’s a blog I wrote about hating Lent: http://katieandraski.com/hate-lent/

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  2. Loved this, Caroline. I can so relate! ….. It gets worse as you get older too. Be prepared. lol Thanks for sharing and I agree with these others that you are not alone. We are “aliens and strangers” in this world and as Gods’ children we long for His glory. This world is not our home and we are only here to serve and grow and prepare ourselves for our bridegroom. I also think (if you pardon me for going to a surfacy level after all of that) that it really helps when Spring is around the corner too. lol. I can’t help but think sometimes that God created the seasons for our sake, so we would have a great change once in awhile. Isn’t that thoughtful of Him? …….:) May the joy of the Lord be your strength, and His peace and grace flood your soul. Blessings on you, friend. xo Debbie.

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  3. It’s a regular thought that crosses my mind almost daily. It’s exhausting at times. Thinking about how to address it and come to terms with a rational decision, often feels monotonous.
    I wake at 4:30am daily, off to a job that barely gets me by; dealing with snow, ice, cold and darkness. Wash, rinse, repeat. Perhaps it’s just the weather, and more daylight and a new season will improve the outlook?
    Is this what it means to get older? Experience dulls the senses? I’m still learning, as I’ve never been here before. Hopefully it levels off and sunnier days are ahead.

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    • We are in this together. Literal sunny days are head….but it is still life. I love life I do, but I really really can’t wait for heaven! We both still have work to do…but one day 😊

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  4. Your blog really struck a cord with me. Honestly, that is exactly how I feel too. Not until recently did I realize that’s why too. We weren’t meant for this unGodly world, but for a perfect one with our heavenly Father. Guess that’s why I feel so alive while blogging about God and feeling like I’m making a difference for the kingdom. Thank you so much sharing your inner most feelings!

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