Did I forget What He Has Done?

Complete and absolute pain and agony. Darkness, the dirt pressed in all around I had not seen the sun, ever, there was no knowledge of its existence. My grave weighed heavily upon my chest, lying in torment and eternity. Each breath a choke, my lungs full of thick mucous. I choked, no air reached my lungs, panic of my last breath. There was no relief, no gasp of air, only a repeat of that moment over and over. I sought no relief, my body did not know to use itself as a tool, as an aid to help the other. My arms did not shift to brush away the dirt from my face, my feet did not kick upon the ground, for they each had their own torture. My hands lay upon heat, fingertips touching a hot stove just before they are pulled away, never burning to the relief of shock, never knowing the refuge of death. They burned and burned, but my mouth did not cry out. My lips pressed shut keeping out the maggots, always crawling and wriggling just inside my lips. Feet, the opposing opposite, frozen in frost bite but never accomplishing numbness, shaking, trembling, convulsing my whole body. And the worst of it all, my mind. While I was aware of each extreme pain, there was never peace to be found, my mind was falling, the jolt right before reaching the ground, in a constant tumble off a cliff, a peak. Forever falling, always aware of near impact, but never reaching the bottom. It always had been, there was no time. No past, no present, and no future. I was damned.

Maidservants attended to my hair, curled, and washed, and perfumed. Lips naturally shone the brightest red and only elaborated with a shiny gloss. Singing chest, my powerful lungs sang as I was attended to. Clothed in the finest linens and always setting the newest trend. I broke free of my attendees and danced and giggled. My hands were soft and lotioned. My feet, freshly soaked and rubbed. Entire body trained, nurtured, and pampered. Smiling through my bright teeth and large eyes, I took in my surroundings. The ballroom filled with people, rich and lavishly dressed. I admired them but they more admired me. Banquet tables covered with the fattened calf and exotic fruits. Music filled the room. And the best of it all, my mind. I loved and I laughed. There was nothing but peace and joy and happiness. Jubilation, the celebrations continued. Spinning and swirling and praise and applause. Laughter and jokes and drinks. Merriment to the fullest. Dancing and smiles and a room full of celebrating perfection.

Deafening silence split the room. Her soiled rags loosely hung from her body. Matted, stringy hair sparsely covered her head. Walking with a limp, each eye followed her, every eye stared. Frail, skinny frame, bruised and scratched and beaten. Age could not be determined, but not the cause of her frailness. Almost falling with each step, sliding her foot one step more.

Looking down from all my riches and for the first time pondering a thought, “Who was this girl?” For I knew the answer from the start, that wretch was me.

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15 thoughts on “Did I forget What He Has Done?

  1. This is a very passionate post about the depth of despair. What a blessing to realize where you have come from and where you are now. May God continue to bless you and your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Caroline, where does this come from in such a young person, what grave happenings caused this to spill forth and fill the page.

    When I read this my minds eye brought me back to the horrors of Vietnam, to the children dead and dying in the filth they called home.

    Your words made this old man cry…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh! I can’t take tears! You will make me cry also! …but so glad you connected! I do not want to grow numb to evil and to the grave I have been saved from, both in the spiritual of the damned and the physical of those that endure hell on earth daily. I want to live my blessed life (as the rich girl of the story) on one hand thankful and on the other hand helping those out that are just like me in hard, dark places….especially children/like you talked about. That is what grips my heart.


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