Can I Be a Mommy?

My beautiful niece, Kate, was 6 years old when my daughter was born. She rode with her parents the twelve hour drive from the mountains of Tennessee to the birthplace of my baby in Sunny Florida. She held that precious life in her arms for the first time. Although we were all gathered around her, Kate was in her own world with her own dreams. “I want a baby!” six year old Kate whispered to herself. I turned to my husband and proclaimed, “That was me.”

It was true. I wanted a baby for as long as I can remember. I was that six year old playing baby dolls and dreaming of the day I would be a mother. My whole entire childhood, one day I wanted to grow up and be a mommy. Years later, I was married to the man of my dreams, we started talking about that wonderful possibility, maybe all my dreams could come true and I could be a mother. Well, the story of Beautiful Life with Cancer tells of my health record of cancer and Addison’s Disease. We had more to consider than the normal contemplations. So, we sat in the specialist’s office and asked that ever loaded question, “Could I be a mommy?” The answer was wonderful and horrible. I was told that I could try but that I probably could not get pregnant and that, even if I did, I probably could not keep the baby.

God always knew the answer. Ten months later, my life dream came true. I held the most amazing little miracle in my arms. I was a mom. I was everything. My entire world changed forever. There is nothing I can say to tell you how much I love that little girl, it is of God. That love is more than of this earth. I held her baby cheek up to mine and miracles do exist. I care for her daily and dreams do come true.

Making her bed means I have a little girl that sleeps in it. Watching her grow is a gift from the God of the Universe. Cuddling with her on the couch while seven year old Madison reads an Animal Encyclopedia is what I thought could never be. And being the mom to clean up her messes, teaching her how to spell her name, and planning her birthday parties, I now see, is about so much more than me and my dreams and desires. This little girl is God’s child and she is about to change the whole entire world! She is so much bigger than me!

Randomly, my sweet girl will look up at me and proclaim, “You are the best mom in the world.” Taking the moment seriously, I always answer, “I am not but I love you more than any mommy ever loved her baby.” I am not perfect. I am so far from who I want to be as a mother, however, I have always, and I will always love my girl no matter what! There is nothing she can do to earn my love and there is nothing she can do to make me stop loving her. She is mine and that is everything.

Thank you Jesus that, that not only am I a mommy, but that I am Madison’s Mommy!

πŸ“šI AM PUBLISHED! Please click on the link below to purchase my novel


25 thoughts on “Can I Be a Mommy?

  1. God bless you all parenthood is an amazing gift that never stops amazing you. My babies turned 30,21 & 18 in 2014 and the sight of them brings tears to my eyes and my heart swells with joy and pride! Two girls one boy theyblow away my dreams i had for them as they take the wind we below beneath their wings and soar!!

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  2. This is so beautiful. I am sure you are a wonderful mother, Caroline. I too always wanted to grow up and be a mommy one day. It is so rewarding, isn’t it?

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  3. Yes, we seem to have some things in common, the best one being our love for Jesus. πŸ™‚ My kids live 5 and 6 hours away now and we’ve had an empty nest for 10 years. We have grand baby #6 on the way by the end of this month. Grandchildren are even more fun than having your own kids. I never understood that until we started having them. They are so delightful! AND we don’t have to discipline them. That’s nice too. I sure wish they lived near us, but we can’t have everything. 😦

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    • I know that is so immensely hard to be far from them! I have heard and i believe having grandchildren is wonderful! And a new one on the way…nothing better than a new baby πŸ˜„


  4. None of us are perfect mommies. All we can do is love our little ones to the best of our ability….apologize when we mess it up and vow to do better next time.

    What I do know for sure, though…is that the moms who worry about their ability to parent and think about these big questions are usually the best moms of all. πŸ™‚

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  5. Caroline, you inspire me so much. My sister was diagnosed with cancer at age 36 when her kids were 0nly 10 and 12. She was given 2 years to live and her battle began and became all about being alive for those kids. They are both married today at ages 27 and 25. My sister is STILL here and now enjoying her 2 little grandbabies 3 and newborn. Praise God. He is so faithful! May God continue to richly bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have to tell you, I was nervous my whole life about delivery day. And now I look back on it as one of the best days of my life! YOU WILL BE A GREAT MOMMY ONE DAY BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE!


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