When Did I Become a Christian?

Kneeling in my dark childhood bedroom by the light of my closet door, I began my passionate prayer, “Dear Jesus…” I tried my best to work up some tears as I began my sinner’s prayer of begging God to save me from my five year old sinful self.

Thanks to my parents, Jesus had always been there in our home. It was natural for me to talk to him, he had always been there.

I did my best to live my life for Jesus. I was a Little Goodie Two Shoes that had no sins under my name, mainly just because I did not have the opportunity, or because I was so good at being a Pharisee. But the sins were there, hidden in my heart.

Was I a “Christian?” Yes. I had given my life to God, but I was just a little baby in my faith.

“The Journey Begins,” my first post on Beautiful Life with Cancer tells a story that I never picked for myself. However, here is where I began to find myself. Here is where I looked at my life and saw sins that were more real and damaging than those I had prayed for as a little girl. Here, I had my true struggle with God. I cussed him and denied him and told him to get the hell away from me. I told him I didn’t need him and I didn’t want him and I could do this by myself. I fought and I struggled and I turned my back. And then I collapsed and I fell into his arms. He held me and he loved me. He told him he understood and he knew it was hard. And that was where we became best friends.

I found myself a little more. I shed my list of rules that I thought were making me a Christian. He is here in my heart. Boy is he ever! I have done and said things I never thought I would, it makes me laugh to think of how horrified the Old Caroline would be to see me today! But I have never doubted again.

It is ok to ask God those questions. This relationship that I have with him, it is real and it is more intimate than any other I have or know. There are good times and there are hard times, but our relationship grows and deepens. And he has never failed me! He has never left me! In my darkest hour, he has never said ” I told you so.” And he has never given me the judging eyes. He is the first to pick me up and give me a hug and clean my wounds and say “I forgive you Caroline. I love you so much.”

So, when did I become a Christian? “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” Now I see, it has always been him and I believe he chose me and he saved me before the foundation of time. I believe he knew my name as he formed the starry sky and I believe he thought of me while he hung on the cross at Calvary.

I am not going into a debate of free will and/or predestination. I believe God is outrageously both. Yes! He is God! His word tells me of God saving me and his word tells me to give my life to him.

Again, I ask, When did I become a Christian? Always.

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52 thoughts on “When Did I Become a Christian?

  1. Life is a journey with ups and downs, joys and sorrows. You have learned to depend on Him and allow Him into your heart and life. It sounds like you became a Christian (got “saved” or born again) at or around the age of five. Yet you had a love for Him all along. Then you grew into Him. What a beautiful testimony. Still praying for complete cure for you, dear sister.

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  2. This is beautiful. It actually goes well with my own faith, Orthodox Christianity- because it recognizes that we are all on the path from in the womb as it was He that created us- we were already children of God before we ever became conscious of it. While we all experience moments of ” acceptance” of God, or ‘dedicating our lives to our faith’ or a moment when we realized that we are, indeed, children of God- there is no ‘SAVING’ moment…as we are all on that path. We have all been saved in 33AD— are being saved as we travel the path and try to stay on it. I love your writing. It’s beautiful.

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    • Please pardon my intrusion. I’m not trying to cause trouble here, just want to clarify some scripture. We are not all children of God. Jesus told the Pharisees they were of their father the devil. We must at some point acknowledge the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, hence His statement, “I am the way, the truth and the life; and no man cometh unto the Father except by me.” It’s an important point. No harm intended.

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      • My faith does not teach that the devil is father to anyone. The interpretation I go by is what my faith teaches- christ was speaking of their choice to follow the evil one- not that He created them. We believe that all of us were created by and in the image of God. Therefor all of us are indeed His children. Even those that fall away just as the evil one was created by God and fell away from Him. Im certainly not wanting to enter debate either; just pointing out that not all interpretations are yhe same.

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    • Thanks for reading and commenting. Please read around my site. I would love to discuss and you will find me a very open person but in this regard it is useless to try and convince me otherwise.

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      • God is Oneness, Pure Love and Truth, so it might be useful to try to seek the truth and convince others of the truth. God does not want you to live in delusion. God wants the correct action from you and when you do you will experience heaven on this earth, you will become pure love.

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              • Releasing you from delusion and foulness will be the beginning of saving our planet for future generations.

                The evil greedy monkeys who control religion, and thereby control you, will then loose power and our children will be the winners. But actually even the evil greedy monkeys will win long-term, if they also wake up from their delusion and begin to follow God.

                What was Jesus religion? Jewish. He began to preach that he was the son of God and often is not remembered that he also said that we are all sons and daughters of God.

                Did Jesus leave his religion? Yes he did. He became a blasphemer according to the Jewish religion. They crucified him.

                So. He left his religion and his country and went east after healing his wounds.

                Did he start a new religion? No. He did not, his followers did. The people who wish to control you are now running these religions and they do not always know how bad it is what they are doing.

                To follow God properly you must meditate like Jesus did and like many monks and nuns do, then you will find God that is Oneness, pure love, truth and this will lead us to prosperity.

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                • I wish that we could sit and chat and be friends and have this conversation in person.

                  You have to understand that you have nothing to offer me. Jesus is everything to me. Jesus said “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” He claimed to be God. He was either crazy, lying, or right. Those are our only 3 options.

                  I agree with you that there has been much corruption in the Christian church. Please read around my site, I am very open about that fact. Remember also that Jesus condemned the religious leaders of his day. I do not follow the church. The church does not control me. I follow Jesus.

                  So, was Jesus crazy, lying, or was he God? Peter lived with and followed Jesus. He saw Jesus perform miracles and he heard him preach. At Jesus’s crucifixion, Peter denied Jesus. Perhaps this whole Jesus thing was ending here with the death of Jesus? A few years later, Peter was tortured and murdered for his faith in Jesus that he would not deny. Why?! Because he saw Jesus risen from the dead! Peter could not be convinced otherwise!

                  Jesus Is my everything! He is the only god that forgives my sins and asks nothing from me. There is no other religion that offers me the peace I have in Jesus. What you are telling me I can achieve, I have been freely given.

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                  • You are my friend because I have become pure love.

                    I do not understand that I have nothing to offer you.

                    Jesus is great, some believe we are one and the same. I believe Jesus did choose a good way, he had the guts to speak the truth and I believe he did choose life after crucifixion.

                    Yes. He was one with God. He was crazy and lying in the eyes of the Jew, and right in the eyes of the ones who did choose to follow him.

                    Yes do follow Jesus. I am sure this will lead you to be my friend as well.

                    The power of Jesus does not lie in his crucifixion by evil greedy monkeys or in resurrection, it lies in the story of his actions before that horrible event where the evil greedy monkeys betrayed and crucified their own brother who was truly following God. That is why the evil greedy monkeys must be dealt with properly. Not doing so will not be accordance with Gods wishes.

                    Your sins are forgiven in the moment you truly ask God for forgiveness and then God will also tell you what you must do. You will know what you have to do in every moment if you listen to God. God does not ask for perfection, but for your mindfulness in every moment.

                    Constant sinning without reflection is not what God wants. That is not following God. Mindfulness and correct action is what God wants.

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  3. I love this, Caroline! Thank you for sharing. I was saved at 5 years of age too, and God has been my extremely best friend always. At times, he has been my only friend. I can’t live without Him. ……………… By the way, your book is awesome. My husband and I rate it an 11 out of 10! Congratulations! It reminds us of those Frank Perretti books. Have you read any of them?

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  4. Thank you for following my blog, http://www.escapingritualabuseinaustralia.com. Special thank you for explaining that our Father in heaven does the choosing. I appreciate how you have used Psalm 139 written by King David, imperfect, but loyal predecessor for our loving Saviour Christ Jesus. Yes, I agree completely that our relationship with our Father in heaven and his only begotten Son; Christ Jesus is the most intimate relationship we can ever experience! I am very encouraged by your strong Faith and wish you well.

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  5. This is beautiful! You can feel your emotion as you cried and struggled with HIM, so glad you gave in to HIS loving, caring arms! It gives me HOPE for my loved ones who are fighting him right now. Blessings to you as you walk through this journey that you wouldn’t have picked for yourself, but you know that God will never leave your side and HE will get you through!!

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  6. Thanks Caroline for this lovely post. It just makes me feel even more in love with Jesus as I recall the time I surrendered my life to the Lord. It was such an amazing experience that I truly treasure in my heart. 🙂

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  7. You are an encourager besides all the other great things you are in Jesus. You’re the kind of person I want to see after reading my newly published book: Transformation The Servant’s Heart–A Life of Faith. God will continue to bless you.

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