If I’m Honest

I doubt. There are times in my past that I have doubted God. I ask those questions:

Is he really there?
Does he love me?
Why do I hurt so much?

If I am honest, I constantly choose my plan over his. I want comfort more than I want to serve. I want money more than I want to give. I want people to like me more than doing what is right.

If I am honest, I worry about tomorrow while I am sleeping in a warm bed and while there is food in my kitchen.

I am lazy when there is work to be done. I blame others when I sin. I complain when I should be giving thanks. I fear when I should trust.

But if I am honest, I know that you have never done any of those things. God, you are nothing but goodness and love and mercy and abundance and truth. And if I am honest, I know, I always know that you love me. You always have and you always will.

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36 thoughts on “If I’m Honest

  1. I am a born worrier. That used to bother me – thinking I id not trust God, but the old Boy Scout and soldier in me say be prepared! Even in my warm safe bed I was thinking about the icy roads this morning and going to church. a snow shovel cat litter and ice melt will go in the trunk before I leave my parking space There are already candy bars Thermacare wraps and an emergency it there as well as a thermal blanket and Army wool blanket for the longer trips.

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  2. Amen. Suffering does seem to lead us down the darkest roads and produce the most doubt, but I believe it is also in suffering that God dwells the closest to us. The problem I have is not grabbing the hand that is reaching out to me and acting as a young child does to a parent saying, “I can do it myself.”

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  3. What do we do when we feel that the God we worshiped and adored broke our heart? After blaming God for the death of my son the only way out seemed to be by forgiving Him β€” but forgive Him of what? Forgiveness implies that God was guilty of a transgression and that’s impossible. As much as I would have liked to think differently, I had to admit that God was blameless. I came to realize that the best person to trust would be the One who died for me β€” no one has invested more.

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  4. Caroline: YOU HAVE CANCER. You have a rough setup there. Serving God means you give yourself a break. You have a huge responsibility with this blog. Serving Him means getting as much support wherever you can. I know cancer isn’t a “death sentence” but since there is no death…also, earthly pain should not be discounted. Some Christian women turn themselves into modern Hester Prynnes.
    God LOVES women, I think, often more than men.

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  5. I too have had sadness in my life, death, family drama and i even had a cousin murdered. I have not been able to blame God as i blame myself for not trying to in some way to understand what he’s trying to tell me. Well said. Aloha

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  6. Sometimes I am glad that I can see my failings. That is how I know I need God, and that is why He is in my life today. So I still fight them, and try to overcome them, but I find that I don’t really regret them, for it was they who really introduced me to God. God bless you, and keep you, always.

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  7. I abide by a few simple words my mother would say, ” if it doesn’t feel right , then dont do it” …:) Being an honest person is something to be proud of…..Nice read Caroline, Happy Holidays to you and your family…

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    • So true! I do believe that there are certain things that are right/wrong for each person and we must listen to our conscience. “If someone knows the good they ought to do and does not do it, they sin”. Your mother sounds like a very wise woman! …and you are very wise to listen to sound advice 😊

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  8. Caroline, I’ve added you to my prayer list, and will be praying for your new year to be a wonderful one, filled with much better health and positive events and daily blessings you recognize from our loving God! He is always with you! What a perfect gift He gave us in His Son, Jesus — I just want everyone to know His love and care. I know I couldn’t live a day without Him! He still works miracles, too! I know He has a firm grip on you, as He does on me, and what HOPE He gives us because of what Jesus did for us all on the cross. Each day I wake up and thank Him for a new day and ask Him to help me serve Him in love toward others around me. Just remember Whose you are, and how special you are to Him! Peace and joy!

    Liked by 1 person

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